Welcome, welcome, welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the most ironic Tai Chi routine you'll ever come across. Forget about all the spiritual mumbo jumbo and focusing on your breathing - we're here to teach you how to do Tai Chi in the most unproductive way possible.
Ditch the traditional gear - Who needs those plain, simple Tai Chi outfits when you can wear your fanciest ball gown or tuxedo? Make sure you're overdressed and uncomfortable before starting your routine.
Use your phone as a distraction - While in the middle of a slow-motion pose, make sure to check your messages and scroll through social media. Avoid that pesky peace of mind at all costs.
Make it more interesting - Spice things up by incorporating jumping jacks or push-ups during your slow-motion routine. And don't forget to yell, "Game on!" as you start your rep.
Focus on the wrong things - The point of Tai Chi is to relax and focus on your movements, but that's too easy. Instead, focus solely on the sounds around you and try to identify each one. That way, you can miss out on all the benefits of the practice.
Don't breathe - Who needs oxygen, anyways? Keep your breath held the entire time in order to add an extra element of challenge to your routine.
Celebrate your ability to not relax - After you've made your Tai Chi experience as unproductive as possible, give yourself a pat on the back for successfully fighting off any relaxation or clarity that may have come your way.
"Remember, the key to a successful Tai Chi routine is to focus on the wrong things and never relax." - Anonymous
So there you have it folks - the ultimate ironic Tai Chi routine that will make sure you waste all of your time. Until next time, keep fighting the peace-and-quiet battle!
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